I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
