I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
