ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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