Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize