Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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