just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
