it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
