my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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