loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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