ya dads aren't the best wingmen
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
