Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
