sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
