i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize