I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
