I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
