i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
