I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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