Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize