I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My ass is underappreciated
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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