five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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