After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
