Soap is not a condiment
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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