Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
