i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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