I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
