why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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