i need an iv and a liver transplant
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
