Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
