I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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