i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize