That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
