I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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