so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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