I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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