Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
