Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
