She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
