I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
NoShamevember. You game?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
