So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Panties = found
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