How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
