shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
