Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
