Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
