You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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