Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
