What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
