best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
