dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
