Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
why is half of my head shaved?
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