woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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