what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
