Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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