the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
