my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
