dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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