I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
