I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
