Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
