we were pretty classy up until the second keg
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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